Last night I found myself in a place I regularly find myself lately, pondering life.
What am I actually doing? Where am I going? Where do I want to go? It’s something that I regularly beat myself up about and let myself get absorbed in on far too many weekday evenings. With these sort of problems we always assume that we are alone. Let’s face it we can all be a little self absorbed sometimes and like to think that we’re the only person suffering with one particular problem, and that no-one could possibly understand. Well, my tweet last night proved me wrong. SO many people seem to be feeling the same and from the replies I received sparked the idea for this post.
I’m 24 years old and to date I have pretty much no idea what I want to do with my life. I have a job and I love my blog, but I can’t sit here and say that it’s what I envisaged for my life, although I also have no idea what I envisaged. To write this down brings tears to my eyes and to be honest, makes me feel a little bit ill. It's never nice to admit publicly that maybe you haven't got it all figured out.
But what I did realise last night was that hey, it’s okay to not know exactly what we want right now. Yes, there are some people who discover their future careers and lifestyles when they are picking their A Levels, there are some that pick the exact course they will pursue a job in for the rest of their lives at university but there are also the people who don’t – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
What I’m trying to say is – we will all get there and it doesn’t matter how long it takes us, or how old we are by the time we do. Life isn’t a race or a competition (although it can feel like that sometimes) and our way of doing things are just a little different to others.
There are people who choose to be big flying career driven individuals and that’s absolutely fantastic, but I know that I will never be that person. Yes I want to succeed in what I do, but I also know that I am not particularly driven by money, or feel there is a definitive job I have to have and nothing else will do.
What I think is most important is that we don’t focus on what other people are doing and just take time for ourselves. This is the time when it is okay to be a little bit selfish. I don’t have the answers as to how we will get to where we will end up and I think us continuously searching for them isn’t going to get us anywhere either, because in short there are no definitive answers. Each of us will find our way and with a sprinkle of positivity we might just get there a little bit quicker...don’t sweat the small stuff, keep a smile on your face and try and see the bright side of what can seem a shitty situation. Most of the time we are our own worst enemy and if we had a little more faith in ourselves we might be pleasantly surprised at how productive that could be.
Because...we are good people and we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. The people who are where they want to be in their lives (like my boyfriend Daniel for example) definitely had to go through some pretty rubbish times too to get that point, so bear that in mind when you feel the world is against you.
Our futures are just around the corner and let’s just enjoy our lives until we reach that point :)
I'm always here for anyone who needs a chat and like the good old Ernest Hemingway once said:
"If something is wrong, fix it if you can.
But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything".
